And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
