I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
