we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
