don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
