Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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