i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
