So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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