with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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