I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You can't just leave with hair like that
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
