Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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