During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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