i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
