dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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