Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
