dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
