He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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