We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There's always time for handjobs
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
