which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
