I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
