don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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