so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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