I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
