areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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