I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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