she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
