How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
