That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
