omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
