I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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