Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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