It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
