Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
