I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
