New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
