Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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