Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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