Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
