I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
