i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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