i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
