We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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