Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
