When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
