Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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