You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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