When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
