just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
how drunk are you?
Several
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
