I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
