i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
