worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
